Breathing

I feel like I can't  breathe.

I am gasping, grasping, trying to catch up with where my new life is headed because I'm stuck in my old life.

Do you  know how hard it is to walk in this house every day, this house we laughed so much in, argued in, planned in, made love in.  To sleep in this bed.  To eat off dishes we received as wedding presents and wash kids that were made out of love.  To live OUR life alone.
and know its all gone.

There's a huge hole here, and I don't know how to patch it or fill it or just fucking get rid of it.

Tears flow, year old tears that I've apparently stored while too busy to deal with it all.  Easier to just pretend I'm great and strong and "over it."

But now I'm choking on my emotions, as they've been pushed back down too many times.  There's no where else for them to go but up and out.  And I don't want to, but I can't breathe.