I think I might need to start seeing a therapist, but who has the time?

Seriously, I cannot stop being SAD!  My kids have been with their dad for the last week (1 more week) and it has gotten me to the point where I can't accomplish anything, can't seem to function much other than basic needs.  Even just now, I started dinner cooking, and then I ended burning it because I forgot it was cooking, so I don't have anything to eat now.

I miss them terribly, and it makes me start thinking about how much he must miss them because he only sees them a few times per year.

The truth is, I would do anything to make our family whole again.  And I would do anything to make him better so he could see how to do it.  But it's all completely out of my control.  That's what is so hard for me, no matter how much I wish and pray and hope that it will all be a nightmare, it is just not going to change unless he decides to change it.

I fear it might be too late.

Moving on....how to not do it...

*Don't form a relationship with a married man friend that goes beyond what it should because you are emotionally connected and totally vulnerable to wanting to feel important.  
*Don't be surprised when he ends up hurting you because you just aren't that important to him.
*  don't start thinking that you'll never find someone who doesn't want to hurt you, who does want to kiss you and hold hands and just spend time with you, who does think you are special.

Thankful Thursday

Sometimes it's (very) easy to get caught up in Loss and Sadness and "Wahh. I don't get....."s and forget how much we have. I think part of my depression stems from this, that I get caught in a cycle of this and forget how lucky I am in general, and even in comparison with others in my situation.

So I want to start a tradition where I actually verbalized my thankfulness.  Here it comes, THANKFUL THURSDAY!

This week, I am thankful for my friends who really are amazing,  from babysitting, listening, dog sitting, bringing me drinks. Planning a birthday dinner.  All those things great friends do, they have done.  In particular J and T, who continue to be graceful and kind and to give great advice to my whiny self some days.  I don't have family close, but they have been my family, my support system, my confidantes, and just Friends.  Yes, with a capital. :)